My turkey taught at a local college

by wickedjen, Huntington, IN

Several years ago I decided to give the newspaper dating service a try and placed an ad. I figured that I would be in control and could screen potential candidates over coffee and go from there. I made one rule: if I went out on a date, I would give it a three-date rule before I throw the turkey in the oven for a holiday roast so to speak.

The reasoning behind this logic, was that some of the nicest, smartest people that I recall from high school were not the most handsome, tallest, athletic or the richest and I was searching for something special within, so I needed to get past some of the physical preferences.

I met the professor for coffee and he seemed nice enough, a little geeky, rather short and awkward, but intelligent, had a sense of humor and had decent morals from what I could tell.

We spoke on the phone on several occasions and he asked me out for dinner the following Saturday night. I was actually looking forward to the evening.

When we got to the restaurant he asked to be seated in the smoking section — I’m a non-smoker but did not say anything. He actually chain-smoked throughout the entire meal, and there’s nothing pleasant about eating a filet with smoke being blown across the table.

After we finished dinner, he gently leaned towards me and asked me if I knew what he wanted to do next? I replied that I had no clue. His response was that he wanted to suck my nipples! I told him that he was being very presumptuous since I did not have any nipples. He thought I was joking, but in fact, I had a bi-lateral mastectomy three years previously and did not have total reconstruction. I told him as much, and told him I would take a cab home. I ditched the turkey, and decided that a three date rule was not the way to go after all.

After 20 years of being divorced, I recently married my best friend, a wonderful man that I have known for 32 years. He’s everything I ever hoped for in a husband….and it did not take three dates for me to realize that.