My List of Hotties

By Poison Ivy,

Maybe this will be considered offensive, but at least it’s not cheesecake as such. No bare chests or coy poses with underwear showing. And this is purely in the spirit of admiring beauty that just happens to be male.

As I roam the net in search of interesting topics and illustrations, sometimes I happen upon publicity photos of hot-looking guys. For instance, this one, of Sean Bean, whom I just saw play the arch villain in “National Treasure.” He looked attractive in that movie, but he was a villain, after all. I didn’t have moral permission to love him. Then I found this shot of him from a while back, when he played “Richard Sharpe,” a more heroic character. And frankly, Sean Bean was looking good. This photo makes you understand the 19th century fetish for fancy military uniforms.

I confess that movie star Matthew McConaughey leaves me cold. Not because he doesn’t have a great body that he’s always willing to display in movies. In fact, it’s hard to find a good shot of him that isn’t bare-chested. Although I eventually did. No, it’s because I’ve only seen him in roles where he comes across as being annoyingly live-for-the-moment, and thus not my type. Is my type a 19th century guttersnipe turned professional soldier? Well, not really. But it definitely isn’t a surfer dude. So here’s Matthew all covered up. Do you still see his charm?

On the other hand, Adrian Grenier comes across as eminently huggable. He’s cute. Love the curly hair, the serious eyelashes, and the brilliant smile. I know so little about him that I thought his name was Adam, not Adrian. He’s a young hottie. Twenty years from now, maybe he’ll look like Sting, another attractive male who started off looking lovable by sheer dint of hopping around in videos. But as he settled into his stride, his serious demeanor has made him look extremely unapproachable and humorless. Or maybe he’s just squinting, because by god, no rock musician is ever seen wearing glasses.

Josh Holloway of “Lost.” Hot. Very hot. Plays a sympathetic but flawed character. No, I’m not drooling. That would be unbecoming a true admirer of the male form. I am happy that he’s married and living in beautiful Hawaii and working on a hit TV show and that this is probably the highlight of his career. His big break could have happened when he was 60 and bitter. But he’s young and handsome and enjoying life (I hope) because the world has opened up to him. You go, guy.

Is it disrespectful to mention George Clooney? Ever since he finally made it big, he’s been busy proving that he’s much more than a pretty face. Good thing, too, since it took all of his youth to grow beyond his stunning handsomeness into something more, a genuine movie star. Burt Lancaster had a similar fire to act in notable drama, not just play around in pretty-boy adventure tales. Both men succeeded. George, I admire you and it’s not just that you look like you were born to wear a tux.

There are other hotties. But enough for now. Enjoy the view.